I thought everything could be the same as before but who knows it has change since last weekends.. it has pushed me down to the other side.. maybe it will no longer be the same as before.. doubts start to form in my mind, many many doubts.. I don know how to do and i don wish things to be worse.. all i can do is to keep to myself what ever i know, be it anger or be it sadness.. only me to swallow everything i recently know.. it really hurts but i do what i think is right.. I don't care what other ppl trying to say, as long I am conscience about things I do is already more than enough.. but until now, I start to doubt myself.. have i really tried enough or have i getting tired.. sometimes i just feel such a failure, doing nothing at all.. I really wish tat things will be the same as before.. will it be..? How I wish it can be hidden forever, no one but only me to know.. the pain is really there but I can do nothing.. I chose to let everything fall on me, I don wan to hurt others especially the one i treasure a lot.. reach home, everything was very bad.. I can't bring myself to smile.. Not at all.. and after discussing with mum about my case, i came to a decision.. and I will go forward with my decision.. I'm really scared.. Why these kind of things have to happen on me..? I know mum is worried and her heart aches for me.. I wish to get it as soon as possible and I don wish to delay anymore.. I only told 2 person about my condition.. I just wish everything will be over soon.. But I fear.. fearing that it will not come out the way as i wan or it could never be done.. I am really scared..
